Whew.

I've been struggling with the concept of government evil lately. Just a few minutes ago, shallow in the throes of pre-slumber, I witnessed a half-dream. Perhaps a vision from God, perhaps a machination of my own imagination. Seems a bit out of my league, wisdom wise, but I'm not going to claim to speak for God.

I was talking to Jesus, and we were standing.

I explained how I was feeling about the taxes I was being charged on my income for this job. 15%. It gets me absolutely livid that they are taking one of every six dollars I earn to waste on nonsense. Not only nonsense either- evil. I'll avoid the political specifics.

"They're taking advantage of me!" I protested

"So?" He said.

I was stymied by this reply. In my head, within my head, I pondered out every avenue by which I could prove that I was rendered helpless by the government's meddling. They all landed in Rome- the only thing that the government is stealing from me is money.

Even if they were stealing more- "So?" I shouldn't own anything. I gave that up becoming a Christian. My possessions are no more mine then the body I am being loaned. Frightening.

Everything that I have, that I am, rests on the edge of a knife. It is by God's grace that I was born in the U.S.A., it is by God's grace that I have the capability to work.

The only thing that this money buys me is another couple of semesters at Roberts. That's all I want. I believe that God has called me to nursing. If I fail because of something as outside the realm of my influence as financial trouble, when I've sacrificed a summer of freedom for an ministry internship, the fault is not with me. It's my responsibility to respond to an issue like that, but it's not my problem, per se.

But despite all those quick thoughts, through whom prose is a sluggish navigator, I still had one last comeback. Frustrated by being blocked so easily before, I stepped forward with my final attempt, my voice raised.

"You're supposed to be a God of Justice! Where is justice?!"

And He said, "Where, indeed." And my vision of us standing was replaced by a vision of a small African child, starving. And I saw all the wealth I'm couched in.

And I dropped my head and said "Take me there."

I've had my share of luxury in this life. I don't want to become another cog in this machine. God forbid I profit off anything done by the people I loathe so deeply. I only hope I'll have the strength when the day comes to do the right thing and leave.

I think I have to leave.